Shit Republicans Say (UPDATED)
A running list of the worst things Republicans have said about abortion
I’m tired of writing over and over again about Republicans who don’t know shit about women’s bodies legislating said bodies. So I’ve decided to keep a running list of the worst things they’ve said. Sadly, I expect it to be updated regularly.
Rep. Jack Nelsen, Republican lawmaker & former dairy farmer, Idaho, 2022, In a committee hearing
“I’ve milked a few cows, spent most of my time walking behind lines of cows, so if you want some ideas on repro and the women’s health thing, I have some definite opinions.”
Rep. Lupe Diaz, Republican lawmaker, Arizona, 2022, In an op-ed about why he wants a ban without exceptions
“I know women who chose to keep the baby and are very satisfied with their child of rape.”
Tudor Dixon, GOP gubernatorial nominee, Michigan, 2022, On why raped and impregnated children should be forced to remain pregnant
“I’ve talked to those people who were the child of a rape victim and the bond that those two people made…And the fact that out of that tragedy, there was healing through that baby.
Factcheck: Rape isn’t healed through forced pregnancy.
City Council member Dave Alvord, Salt Lake County, Utah, 2022, Responding to a tweet from Vice President Kamala Harris
“The baby is not part of the body of a woman. The umbilical cord and placenta do not directly connect to the woman. The baby floats inside the woman.”
Factcheck: Babies don’t float.
Sen. Tim Scott, South Carolina, 2022, In a fundraising email
“If we don’t take back the Senate, Dems will pack the courts, give DC statehood, grant abortions up to 52 weeks, and Republicans will never win again.”
Factcheck: Pregnancy lasts approx. 40 weeks.
Rep. Todd Akin, Missouri, 2012, Arguing in a television interview that pregnancy after rape is rare
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
Factcheck: Pregnancy after rape is as common as pregnancy after consensual sex; the female body does not have magical shutting-down powers
Rep. Henry Aldridge, North Carolina, 1995, Claiming in a House debate that pregnancy after rape is rare
“The facts show that people who are raped—who are truly raped—the juices don't flow, the body functions don't work and they don't get pregnant.”
Factcheck: Pregnancy after rape is as common as pregnancy after consensual sex; we don’t have juices.
Rep. Jodie Laubenberg, Texas, 2013, Arguing against an abortion ban exception for rape & incest
“In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out.”
Factcheck: Rape kits collect evidence, they do not “clean out” anything or prevent pregnancy
Rep. Karianne Lisonbee, Utah, 2022, Responding to the criticism that she doesn’t trust women to control their own bodies
“My response is I do trust women enough to control when they allow a man to ejaculate inside of them and to control that intake of semen.”
Factcheck: GROSS.
Rep. Barry Hovis, Missouri, 2019, Defending an abortion ban, talking about his time in law enforcement
“Most of my rapes were not the gentlemen jumping out of the bushes that nobody had ever met...Most of them were date rapes or consensual rapes.”
Factcheck: Rape cannot be consensual
Rep. Michael Burgess, Texas, 2013, Arguing in favor of an abortion ban
“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful. They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. They feel pleasure. Why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?”
Factcheck: Fetuses don’t masturbate
Rep. Vito Barbieri, Idaho, 2015, Questioning a doctor over abortion ban
"Can this same procedure then be done in a pregnancy? Swallowing a camera and helping the doctor determine what the situation is?"
Factcheck: The digestive tract does not lead to the uterus
Rep. Dan Flynn, Texas, 2016, Television interview defending abortion restrictions
“Anytime you start cutting on people's body you need to have it in a procedure where it can be healthy.”
Factcheck: You don’t cut into women to give abortions
Rep. John Becker, Ohio, 2019, Explaining how his anti-abortion bill handles ectopic pregnancies
“That treatment would be removing the embryo from the fallopian tube and reinserting it in the uterus.”
Factcheck: No such procedure exists
Sen. Republican Clyde Chambliss, Alabama, 2019, Explaining when an abortion ban allows a rape or incest victim to obtain an abortion
“Until she knows she’s pregnant.”
Factcheck: You cannot have an abortion before you know you’re pregnant
Explaining why abortion bans shouldn’t extend to ‘protecting’ fertilized eggs created via IVF
“The egg in the lab doesn’t apply. It’s not in a woman. She’s not pregnant.”
Factcheck: They only give a shit about controlling women, not the ‘life’ of embryos
Sen. Chuck Winder, Idaho, 2012, Defending lack of rape & incest exceptions in abortion ban
"I would hope that when a woman goes in to a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about, perhaps, her marriage—was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by rape?"
Factcheck: Fuck this guy
Senate candidate J.D. Vance, Ohio, 2022, Defending lack of rape & incest exceptions in abortion ban
“It’s not whether a woman should be forced to bring a child to term; it’s whether a child should be allowed to live, even though the circumstances of that child’s birth are somehow inconvenient.”
Factcheck: Fuck this guy, too
Rep. Lawrence Lockman, Maine, 1990, Written while working for an anti-choice organization
“If a woman has [the right to end a pregnancy], why shouldn't a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist's pursuit of sexual freedom doesn't (in most cases) result in anyone's death.”
Factcheck: Don’t even know what to say anymore
Rep. Ron Paul, Texas, 2012, Discussing pregnancy after rape & abortion in a television interview
“If it's an honest rape, that individual should go immediately to the emergency room, I would give them a shot of estrogen.”
Factcheck: Estrogen doesn’t prevent pregnancy; what the fuck is an ‘honest’ rape
Rep. Joe Walsh, Illinois, 2012, Arguing against exceptions for women’s life in abortion bans
“There is no such exception as life of the mother, and as far as health of the mother, same thing. With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance [when abortion was needed to save a life].”
Factcheck: I’m so tired
THE RANDOM AND THE AWFUL:
Rep. Jean Schmidt, Ohio, 2022: Argued a 13 year-old who is raped and becomes pregnant has been given “an opportunity.”
Rep. Paul Ryan, Wisconsin, 2012: Called rape a “method of conception.”
Sen. John McCain, Arizona, 2008: Put the word ‘health’ in air quotes when talking about health exceptions for abortion
Governor candidate Garrett Soldano, Michigan, 2022: Argued against abortion by saying the fetus could be “the next president.” (Never considered the pregnant woman could be the next president.)
Sen. Kim LaSata, Michigan, 2019: Said abortion “should be hard, and the procedure should be painful.”
Okay, thanks Dave Abbott et.al. I think I understand everything now. It’s terrible how those forced sex education classes lied to us, causing a lifetime of confusion and wrong thoughts.
So this is it: the woman has essentially nothing to do with the creation of life. She is just happy to provide a ball of juices for the sperm to roll around in while it grows bigger, mainly spending its 52 weeks pondering its future while stroking its face and masturbating.
If the woman isn’t happy to participate in this process she can always go to emergency and have the ball cleaned out with a rape kit. Or maybe she is happy except when it becomes uncomfortable and then the fetus can always be taken out and inserted somewhere else. No women ever die during this time, that’s just a lie woman tell to get sympathy or because they are forever dithering and changing their minds and being overly dramatic.
Then when the sperm has grown too big for the ball it decides to come out. But 52 weeks is such a long time, so the father may have wandered off and the woman enjoyed the process so much she now gladly spends the next eighteen or so years of her life feeding, clothing, housing, and educating his child while working two or three minimum wage jobs to be able to afford it. And though she may insist that she can only afford to raise one child, men have ways of convincing her she is mistaken and then she is happy to go through it all again.
Thanks everyone for correcting my misguided notions that women are entitled to joy.
Please note, in case anyone is confused, this is what satire looks like. Please don’t feel any need to correct the above information. If nothing seemed incorrect to you, please get educated.
Good fucking gravy there a lot of men who want to find a way to be able to rape women with impunity.