Your OpEd piece in the NYTimes lead me to you and your newsletter. How refreshing to find you, your insights and this group of aware women. At 75, although I am not a 'survivor or victim' in the traditional sense, I am a survivor of a 40 year marriage. I would add a few words to your opening questions. "How many women have to die (and/or suffer) from men's sexual issues?" Thank you.
How many fellow Gen-Xers can think of growing up with magazines devoted to helping us turn-on men, be sexy, etc.? As if the responsibility of our partner's sexual health is on us. Even as a teenager in the 90s (with NO helpful, productive conversations by educators or trusted family members, let alone media), I recall the myriad Cosmo, Glamour, Sassy articles that were all about how we are seductresses. What we were never told then and still aren't, is how to dissolve ourselves of any sense of blame for men's sexual issues and aggression related to them. Jessica, your words bring so much empowerment. You're such a gifted writer who devotes space to important topics. Very grateful for AiHH!
Thank you, Jessica, for taking the time to bring forward yet another needed perspective on this issue. The "reasons" behind why there is such violent hatred of women and/or people of color are always multifaceted, and deconstructing them is truly a full time job. Many of us have spent the last several weeks thinking about gendered violence since the murder of Sarah Everard in London received international attention. On the flip side, living in Cleveland, when the serial killer, Anthony Sowell stalked and murdered eleven working class, African American women, nobody showed any interest in finding those women. It wasn't until one woman miraculously escaped his house of hell that he was caught. I always wondered if eleven white men had disappeared would the Cleveland PD start to think that something might be up? Nah, probably not, right? I mean what does class and race have to do with anything? (jk) One final note, last week I heard a good interview on NPR with Deborah Epstein, director of Georgetown University Law Center's Domestic Violence Clinic. She made the excellent point that the country really needs to shift the language around the definitions of "hate crimes" to recognize femicide for what it is. https://www.npr.org/2021/03/21/979809501/mass-shooters-often-have-a-history-of-violence-against-women
I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I started reading some saved links from a Times article from last week. One was a multi-parter by the Anti Defamation League that looked at the mens’ rights and “pick up artist” cultures. Boy if I couldn’t sleep before, I definitely was awake reading this drek.
I keep coming back to this: Why do they hate us do fucking much? I really don’t mean to make it an us vs. them thing, but it’s hard not to when it’s just so clear. Were they not loved enough as boys? Is it patriarchy? I keep coming back to this and I don’t have an answer. It makes me so angry and sad and fearful. And I’m speaking from a place of privilege; I can only imagine what my Black, Brown, and Asian/Pacific Islander sisters are feeling.
Culture & religion are so entwined when it comes to these poisonous attitudes.
The desert tribe culture that brought us Judaism, Christianity and Islam is still raping & killing millions of people.
Talk about the sins of the fathers.
You're right, of course. To make a crude comparison, it's not the responsibility of animals to make us humans eat less meat.
It's men who need to change, through education, through law enforcement* & the court system**, through popular culture and the way we select & present the news...
... and perhaps most of all, we need to raise boys better.
*and through the education and disciplining of cops; and perhaps a ten year moratorium of recruiting white male heterosexual cops.
**What goes for recruiting cops also goes for prosecutors, lawyers and judges.
I have to say that when something like this happens right when you're reading Federici, or Isabel Wilkerson, it just smacks you right in the face, doesn't it? The devaluing of women, of their work, objectifying them into vessels of reproduction or of ambulant temptation continues apace. As a woman who is considered "exotic" by men, I understand the humiliation this fetishization brings into a woman's life. And you know what? I know that sometimes I go on about men and how much they disgust me sometimes (and no, I don't hate ALL men, I just hate what this patriarchy makes men do. It makes me afraid and suspicious of men, and I don't like that, and I need to speak up or suffocate under my rage), but do I go out and harm men in retaliation? No. I just avoid them, for goodness sakes. I take a pass, I say, nah, no thanks, and I go about my business. This lashing out with violence -- and let's just call it what it is: terrorism -- is a uniquely male reaction, born out of a perception of entitlement, or belonging to a self-appointed superior caste (to use Wilkerson's terminology), where women who don't conform to their expectations must be punished and terrorized into conformity. This terrorism is designed to make the continuation of male entitlement women's responsibility.
Your OpEd piece in the NYTimes lead me to you and your newsletter. How refreshing to find you, your insights and this group of aware women. At 75, although I am not a 'survivor or victim' in the traditional sense, I am a survivor of a 40 year marriage. I would add a few words to your opening questions. "How many women have to die (and/or suffer) from men's sexual issues?" Thank you.
How many fellow Gen-Xers can think of growing up with magazines devoted to helping us turn-on men, be sexy, etc.? As if the responsibility of our partner's sexual health is on us. Even as a teenager in the 90s (with NO helpful, productive conversations by educators or trusted family members, let alone media), I recall the myriad Cosmo, Glamour, Sassy articles that were all about how we are seductresses. What we were never told then and still aren't, is how to dissolve ourselves of any sense of blame for men's sexual issues and aggression related to them. Jessica, your words bring so much empowerment. You're such a gifted writer who devotes space to important topics. Very grateful for AiHH!
I keep thinking how like "Jack The Ripper." Of course this contempt for women goes much farther back than that.
Not sure I have a point here, except that it's a story as old as dirt and we continue to tell it without changing the narrative.
Thank you for turning the old narrative on its head.
Thank you, Jessica, for taking the time to bring forward yet another needed perspective on this issue. The "reasons" behind why there is such violent hatred of women and/or people of color are always multifaceted, and deconstructing them is truly a full time job. Many of us have spent the last several weeks thinking about gendered violence since the murder of Sarah Everard in London received international attention. On the flip side, living in Cleveland, when the serial killer, Anthony Sowell stalked and murdered eleven working class, African American women, nobody showed any interest in finding those women. It wasn't until one woman miraculously escaped his house of hell that he was caught. I always wondered if eleven white men had disappeared would the Cleveland PD start to think that something might be up? Nah, probably not, right? I mean what does class and race have to do with anything? (jk) One final note, last week I heard a good interview on NPR with Deborah Epstein, director of Georgetown University Law Center's Domestic Violence Clinic. She made the excellent point that the country really needs to shift the language around the definitions of "hate crimes" to recognize femicide for what it is. https://www.npr.org/2021/03/21/979809501/mass-shooters-often-have-a-history-of-violence-against-women
Thank you, Jessica, for again naming the thing.
I couldn’t sleep this morning, so I started reading some saved links from a Times article from last week. One was a multi-parter by the Anti Defamation League that looked at the mens’ rights and “pick up artist” cultures. Boy if I couldn’t sleep before, I definitely was awake reading this drek.
I keep coming back to this: Why do they hate us do fucking much? I really don’t mean to make it an us vs. them thing, but it’s hard not to when it’s just so clear. Were they not loved enough as boys? Is it patriarchy? I keep coming back to this and I don’t have an answer. It makes me so angry and sad and fearful. And I’m speaking from a place of privilege; I can only imagine what my Black, Brown, and Asian/Pacific Islander sisters are feeling.
Thank you.
Culture & religion are so entwined when it comes to these poisonous attitudes.
The desert tribe culture that brought us Judaism, Christianity and Islam is still raping & killing millions of people.
Talk about the sins of the fathers.
You're right, of course. To make a crude comparison, it's not the responsibility of animals to make us humans eat less meat.
It's men who need to change, through education, through law enforcement* & the court system**, through popular culture and the way we select & present the news...
... and perhaps most of all, we need to raise boys better.
*and through the education and disciplining of cops; and perhaps a ten year moratorium of recruiting white male heterosexual cops.
**What goes for recruiting cops also goes for prosecutors, lawyers and judges.
I have to say that when something like this happens right when you're reading Federici, or Isabel Wilkerson, it just smacks you right in the face, doesn't it? The devaluing of women, of their work, objectifying them into vessels of reproduction or of ambulant temptation continues apace. As a woman who is considered "exotic" by men, I understand the humiliation this fetishization brings into a woman's life. And you know what? I know that sometimes I go on about men and how much they disgust me sometimes (and no, I don't hate ALL men, I just hate what this patriarchy makes men do. It makes me afraid and suspicious of men, and I don't like that, and I need to speak up or suffocate under my rage), but do I go out and harm men in retaliation? No. I just avoid them, for goodness sakes. I take a pass, I say, nah, no thanks, and I go about my business. This lashing out with violence -- and let's just call it what it is: terrorism -- is a uniquely male reaction, born out of a perception of entitlement, or belonging to a self-appointed superior caste (to use Wilkerson's terminology), where women who don't conform to their expectations must be punished and terrorized into conformity. This terrorism is designed to make the continuation of male entitlement women's responsibility.
your voice is such a breath of fresh air. you've helped me crawl out of patriarchal narratives and rape culture and finally own my experience