Yes. Being financially secure without having to work (outside or even inside the home) is a seductive idea. But that doesn't come from being a housewife; it comes from being wealthy. It turns out greater access to resources does far more work toward solving problems than one's cultural attitude does. Who'd have thought? And just who would be motivated to preach otherwise?.....
I just watched the TikTok you linked in your brilliant article about the topic and thought WTAF. I have no words of how stupid it is to glorify the 50’s life and grossly mischaracterize an independent woman. I don’t have words for the type of harmful mindset displayed in that video. It demeans BOTH the modern stay at home mom/dad and the working mom. Are people really this stupid to agree with this way of thinking in that video?
Yes I can definitely see that now. I have a 23 year old. Thank heavens she sees the trap in this. I hope her friends do. Gen Z is a savvy bunch though.
Unfortunately I see this in a lot of professional women in my circle as well. I’m a physician and a lot of my female friends/colleagues esteem to be “an MD at work and a Mrs at home” ie eager to be servant to their husbands. This generally works ok until they have 2 or more kids and they realize they what a raw deal they made and then either get a divorce or are miserable in their marriage. I have a lost patience about this now in the context of abortion criminalization and can no longer sit and listen to people be excited about becoming a servant-wife: eagerly changing their names cleaning up after and cooking for their so called adult husbands and doing all the housework and childcare!
Sigh. It's sad, because while you might understand it more coming from women of lower social, intellectual, or financial, status, these women are doctors! So, so sad. And yes so maddening for you to watch.
I’m gonna just keep repeating my suggestion that we all read Federici’s “Beyond a Periphery of the Skin,” and in particular the chapter about sexual work. She goes into the psychology of being bound to men, and without resources. There’s a lot of things that could have been better said (or translated?) in the book (and maybe she’s sometimes guilty of sounding old fashioned without meaning to?) but overall, she nails it better than anyone I’ve read so far. I wish I’d read that book when I was 16. I’d have been so much better prepared for this world of men.
I haven't even read past the headline, and immediately thought of the family doctors (female) who responded to concern about my "down there"* that nothing was stopping me from resisting my boyfriend needs... and like it reeked of conjugal rights.
Also, yes, I've had my anatomy referred to as "down there." Wild. Are we now referring to my arms as "out there" and my head as "up here."
But, as a woman with an education and work experience who also has a disability--and this disability + capitalism + no work protections really screwed my career--whose husband has an overseas job--marriage (while I love my husband and we have been together even before he got this job) provided me with more economic stability than I've ever had in my life. How the visas and taxes work make it difficult for me to do anything but freelance. HOWEVER, this is not the 1950s: I have said education and work experience to fall back on, I have my own bank accounts and credit cards and (soon) a retirement fund. I can pretty much pursue any interest that I want, travel as much as I want. (And I acknowledge this new financial privilege, but as I spent most of my life poor, I'm not going to feel guilty about it). Isn't it crap that financial liberation from men means sacrificing our time and health to capitalism? And isn't it crap that women work AND have the full burden of raising kids? The solution to that isn't to regress to 1950s gender roles but for men to step the fuck up, but still: it is a shit deal for women.
I love the Pill. I dislike how its side effects are being demonized these days. I don't get a period, my acne cleared up, no more PMDD--"it messes with your hormones" sure, but that's not always a bad thing. And no babies! Because I am definitely not adding those into the mix.
THANK YOU!!! Lives in recent past were rarely simpler and for anyone besides white men were never better. I honestly wonder how much of an impact Mad Men had on the culture? I’ve only watched one episode but my takeaways were so different from my friends watching with me. IDK I’ve clearly been working in IPV too long.
This was awesome, thank you. Just saw a stat that between 1930 and 1950 there were an estimated 60,000 lobotomies performed in the U.S., mostly on women.
Yes. Being financially secure without having to work (outside or even inside the home) is a seductive idea. But that doesn't come from being a housewife; it comes from being wealthy. It turns out greater access to resources does far more work toward solving problems than one's cultural attitude does. Who'd have thought? And just who would be motivated to preach otherwise?.....
I just watched the TikTok you linked in your brilliant article about the topic and thought WTAF. I have no words of how stupid it is to glorify the 50’s life and grossly mischaracterize an independent woman. I don’t have words for the type of harmful mindset displayed in that video. It demeans BOTH the modern stay at home mom/dad and the working mom. Are people really this stupid to agree with this way of thinking in that video?
I think their hope is to target very young women, honestly - and those who are sick of living under capitalism. Which is smart of them!
Yes I can definitely see that now. I have a 23 year old. Thank heavens she sees the trap in this. I hope her friends do. Gen Z is a savvy bunch though.
Unfortunately I see this in a lot of professional women in my circle as well. I’m a physician and a lot of my female friends/colleagues esteem to be “an MD at work and a Mrs at home” ie eager to be servant to their husbands. This generally works ok until they have 2 or more kids and they realize they what a raw deal they made and then either get a divorce or are miserable in their marriage. I have a lost patience about this now in the context of abortion criminalization and can no longer sit and listen to people be excited about becoming a servant-wife: eagerly changing their names cleaning up after and cooking for their so called adult husbands and doing all the housework and childcare!
YIKES.
Sigh. It's sad, because while you might understand it more coming from women of lower social, intellectual, or financial, status, these women are doctors! So, so sad. And yes so maddening for you to watch.
I’m gonna just keep repeating my suggestion that we all read Federici’s “Beyond a Periphery of the Skin,” and in particular the chapter about sexual work. She goes into the psychology of being bound to men, and without resources. There’s a lot of things that could have been better said (or translated?) in the book (and maybe she’s sometimes guilty of sounding old fashioned without meaning to?) but overall, she nails it better than anyone I’ve read so far. I wish I’d read that book when I was 16. I’d have been so much better prepared for this world of men.
I am going to pick this up today!
Thank you! :)
I haven't even read past the headline, and immediately thought of the family doctors (female) who responded to concern about my "down there"* that nothing was stopping me from resisting my boyfriend needs... and like it reeked of conjugal rights.
Also, yes, I've had my anatomy referred to as "down there." Wild. Are we now referring to my arms as "out there" and my head as "up here."
I agree with all of this.
But, as a woman with an education and work experience who also has a disability--and this disability + capitalism + no work protections really screwed my career--whose husband has an overseas job--marriage (while I love my husband and we have been together even before he got this job) provided me with more economic stability than I've ever had in my life. How the visas and taxes work make it difficult for me to do anything but freelance. HOWEVER, this is not the 1950s: I have said education and work experience to fall back on, I have my own bank accounts and credit cards and (soon) a retirement fund. I can pretty much pursue any interest that I want, travel as much as I want. (And I acknowledge this new financial privilege, but as I spent most of my life poor, I'm not going to feel guilty about it). Isn't it crap that financial liberation from men means sacrificing our time and health to capitalism? And isn't it crap that women work AND have the full burden of raising kids? The solution to that isn't to regress to 1950s gender roles but for men to step the fuck up, but still: it is a shit deal for women.
I love the Pill. I dislike how its side effects are being demonized these days. I don't get a period, my acne cleared up, no more PMDD--"it messes with your hormones" sure, but that's not always a bad thing. And no babies! Because I am definitely not adding those into the mix.
THANK YOU!!! Lives in recent past were rarely simpler and for anyone besides white men were never better. I honestly wonder how much of an impact Mad Men had on the culture? I’ve only watched one episode but my takeaways were so different from my friends watching with me. IDK I’ve clearly been working in IPV too long.
This was awesome, thank you. Just saw a stat that between 1930 and 1950 there were an estimated 60,000 lobotomies performed in the U.S., mostly on women.
That is absolutely chilling.
jfc