I wish there was a way to teach young girls that most of what they see on screen is women being portrayed how men want them to be instead of how they actually are. Young girls think there is something wrong with them if they don’t want sex all the time. Ever sex scene in a movie shows men and women having an orgasm at the same time. In reality that probably never happens. So we fake it so that men don’t think there is something wrong with us.
Hi, Jessica. It's me, Samuel Abram (a.k.a. IronCurtaiNYC, a.k.a. Iron Curtain. We're neighbors!) This column made me want to comment and subscribe. So here's my comment:
I started watching Euphoria for one reason, and one reason only: because a friend of mine was an extra in it (I couldn't find them, though. 😢). After watching two episodes of it, I totally agree; the show is an unwatchable mess (or at least _I_ can't watch it; some other people probably can), and what turned me off of it was the same thing that turned you off from it: the "teenagers" are not nor look not like teenagers. Considering all the laws around child sex abuse material and child labor, maybe it's for the best. What we got is the alternative: non-teens playing teens.
Feb 26, 2022·edited Feb 26, 2022Liked by Jessica Valenti
I’m so glad I had a totally sexless teenage life. I truly never understood why kids my age wanted to go out with boys and were so obsessed with losing their virginity. I did not relate to my boy-crazy classmates at all, and sometimes didn’t even believe they were as boy-crazy as they acted. I still sometimes wonder if i was as unusual as I seem in retrospect: surely there were plenty of teens not having sex, who were happy to wait till they were “legal” (along with drinking, and driving, etc).
I agree wholeheartedly. I heard my 13 year old daughter describing the show to someone else and she said, "It's a show with a lot of sex and porn." That's not what her group of friends is doing. They are quite tame :) They like to go thrifting and laugh and make up silly games!!
And I recently attended a YA workshop where they had done surveys with teens who were expressing their frustrations with books that depict them in certain ways--one of which was them being depicted as having way more sex then is real. And as you say, Jessica, being depicted as too beautiful! Pimples are a real thing :)
In addition to the noteworthy issues of body image and female sexual compliance, there is also the question of how this warps young women’s ability to later form mature caring relationships. If women grew up believing that without a boyfriend they are nothing, that any man is better than no man, whatever it takes, it leaves them open to exploitation and abuse at the hands of men who also heard all the wrong messages.
I also wanted to add that Degrassi does a much better job handling sex than teen shows like Euphoria or Riverdale (the latter of which is marketed to teen viewers). The actors are actually teens and the characters definitely fuck, but it's not presented for titillation or naughtiness.
Wonderful piece! My husband and I had this same issue with the film Red Rocket. The main character, who is pushing 40, has an affair with a 17-year-old girl. The film doesn't necessarily condone it but the sex scenes are also meant to titillate. It's very much a "have your cake and eat it too" vibe.
Thank you so much for making these points. I won’t watch these shows for these reasons alone. I’m old and cranky but I was a teen once and nothing they depict is “real”—it’s some producers fantasy of the untouchable fuckable female they get to objectify and implicitly degrade. Look what happens to sexy girls!
At one point I saluted the show because it seemed to have just as much male full frontal as female nudity, but then there was a season two episode, maybe four, where there was so much teen sex in it that I was uncomfortable watching. And then a friend who didn't understand the hype asked why people love the show so much and admitted they found it weird watching "teens" fucking. My friend put into words what I was feeling so I stopped watching. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything either, aside from a few memes that pop up on Sundays. But it is disturbing how the audience doesn't really question the constant sex and nudity on the show.
THANK YOU for addressing this. Makes me wonder will male creative directors like Sam Levinson also glorify sex trafficking to profit off the masses ?? Or better yet (thinking as a sober woman) - is he actually talking to drug users about the sexual coercion and assault they experienced that led them to using copious amounts of drugs to mute and numb themselves from their trauma? Probably not. Cheers to white dudes (Netflix execs) continuing to normalize sex abuse and sexual assault.
It reminds me a bit of the Sixties' Right On vibe, where everything was very evolved and everybody was equal and equally loved, and racism and capitalism and war were so wrong, man... but things were changing and everything was cool, as long as the women understood that they were there to say yes to any guy who wanted to fuck them.
So, this show has some Right On topics, straight from the Right On Bucket List of Virtue Signalling... and I'm not saying that that is *all* a cover for the male gazing camera to film naked women... but I'm
Using children in these roles works really well, just ask Brooke Shields.
I wish there was a way to teach young girls that most of what they see on screen is women being portrayed how men want them to be instead of how they actually are. Young girls think there is something wrong with them if they don’t want sex all the time. Ever sex scene in a movie shows men and women having an orgasm at the same time. In reality that probably never happens. So we fake it so that men don’t think there is something wrong with us.
Hi, Jessica. It's me, Samuel Abram (a.k.a. IronCurtaiNYC, a.k.a. Iron Curtain. We're neighbors!) This column made me want to comment and subscribe. So here's my comment:
I started watching Euphoria for one reason, and one reason only: because a friend of mine was an extra in it (I couldn't find them, though. 😢). After watching two episodes of it, I totally agree; the show is an unwatchable mess (or at least _I_ can't watch it; some other people probably can), and what turned me off of it was the same thing that turned you off from it: the "teenagers" are not nor look not like teenagers. Considering all the laws around child sex abuse material and child labor, maybe it's for the best. What we got is the alternative: non-teens playing teens.
Thank you for this column. More like it, please!
I’m so glad I had a totally sexless teenage life. I truly never understood why kids my age wanted to go out with boys and were so obsessed with losing their virginity. I did not relate to my boy-crazy classmates at all, and sometimes didn’t even believe they were as boy-crazy as they acted. I still sometimes wonder if i was as unusual as I seem in retrospect: surely there were plenty of teens not having sex, who were happy to wait till they were “legal” (along with drinking, and driving, etc).
I agree wholeheartedly. I heard my 13 year old daughter describing the show to someone else and she said, "It's a show with a lot of sex and porn." That's not what her group of friends is doing. They are quite tame :) They like to go thrifting and laugh and make up silly games!!
And I recently attended a YA workshop where they had done surveys with teens who were expressing their frustrations with books that depict them in certain ways--one of which was them being depicted as having way more sex then is real. And as you say, Jessica, being depicted as too beautiful! Pimples are a real thing :)
Thanks for your piece!
In addition to the noteworthy issues of body image and female sexual compliance, there is also the question of how this warps young women’s ability to later form mature caring relationships. If women grew up believing that without a boyfriend they are nothing, that any man is better than no man, whatever it takes, it leaves them open to exploitation and abuse at the hands of men who also heard all the wrong messages.
I also wanted to add that Degrassi does a much better job handling sex than teen shows like Euphoria or Riverdale (the latter of which is marketed to teen viewers). The actors are actually teens and the characters definitely fuck, but it's not presented for titillation or naughtiness.
Wonderful piece! My husband and I had this same issue with the film Red Rocket. The main character, who is pushing 40, has an affair with a 17-year-old girl. The film doesn't necessarily condone it but the sex scenes are also meant to titillate. It's very much a "have your cake and eat it too" vibe.
Thank you so much for making these points. I won’t watch these shows for these reasons alone. I’m old and cranky but I was a teen once and nothing they depict is “real”—it’s some producers fantasy of the untouchable fuckable female they get to objectify and implicitly degrade. Look what happens to sexy girls!
At one point I saluted the show because it seemed to have just as much male full frontal as female nudity, but then there was a season two episode, maybe four, where there was so much teen sex in it that I was uncomfortable watching. And then a friend who didn't understand the hype asked why people love the show so much and admitted they found it weird watching "teens" fucking. My friend put into words what I was feeling so I stopped watching. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything either, aside from a few memes that pop up on Sundays. But it is disturbing how the audience doesn't really question the constant sex and nudity on the show.
THANK YOU for addressing this. Makes me wonder will male creative directors like Sam Levinson also glorify sex trafficking to profit off the masses ?? Or better yet (thinking as a sober woman) - is he actually talking to drug users about the sexual coercion and assault they experienced that led them to using copious amounts of drugs to mute and numb themselves from their trauma? Probably not. Cheers to white dudes (Netflix execs) continuing to normalize sex abuse and sexual assault.
That sounds pretty bad.
It reminds me a bit of the Sixties' Right On vibe, where everything was very evolved and everybody was equal and equally loved, and racism and capitalism and war were so wrong, man... but things were changing and everything was cool, as long as the women understood that they were there to say yes to any guy who wanted to fuck them.
So, this show has some Right On topics, straight from the Right On Bucket List of Virtue Signalling... and I'm not saying that that is *all* a cover for the male gazing camera to film naked women... but I'm
also not saying it's not.
The porny male gaze has form.