No More Second Chances
Abusive men are not entitled to comebacks
Former pundit Mark Halperin, outed in 2017 as a serial sexual abuser, has a new consulting job with the DC-based policy group No Labels. The organization’s Co-Executive Director, Margaret White, said that while Halperin’s treatment of women was “reprehensible,” he “paid a price for his conduct” and deserves a “second chance.”
For those who might need a reminder: Halperin was accused of pressing his erect penis against multiple women, grabbing a woman’s breasts, throwing a woman against a window, and when rejected, calling a woman to tell her she’d never work in media again.
It also came out this week that acclaimed literary biographer Blake Bailey has been accused of raping two women. Though Bailey’s publisher has stopped printing and promoting his latest book, The New York Times reports that WW Norton has been aware of a rape accusation for years. In fact, Bailey’s victim contacted Norton president Julia A. Reidhead directly to let her know about the attack. Reidhead never responded—instead forwarding the woman’s email to Bailey—and decided to go ahead with the book anyway.
It’s exhausting to watch institutions protect abusers—giving them chance after undeserved chance. I don’t care if these men are a once-in-a-generation writer or artist or thinker. There is no talent greater than women’s right to be safe.
But we live in a country obsessed with elevating white men’s careers and egos at all costs—and steeped in a culture that paints men’s immoral behavior as one-offs, missteps, or forgivable indiscretions.
After all, as soon as #MeToo became a political phenomenon, the focus shifted to how men accused of wrongdoing could move forward with their lives. The assumption was always that we needed to find a way towards forgiving men, rather than the simpler solution of just moving on without them. It’s not as if their ‘genius’ has actually been missed.
Perhaps if men believed their lives would be permanently altered after abusing women—if they knew there would be no “comeback”—they might think twice before hurting us. Because right now, the message to abusive men is that the worst they should expect is a professional time out. And that if they act sorry (and sometimes even if they don’t) there’s a way back into polite society.
For all this focus on forgiveness, the truth is that we don’t know what reasonable repentance might look like—because we have yet to see a man try. The majority of public figures who’ve been accused of sexual misconduct have barely acknowledged wrongdoing, let alone made serious and lasting amends.
In fact, when a Georgia State University professor studied 219 public statements from men accused of sexual harassment and assault, she found that only a third included an actual apology. Instead, most were angry, defensive, or singularly focused on the impact that the accusation had on themselves rather than their victim.
When Halperin was interviewed on a radio program in 2019, for example, he offered an ‘apology’ dripping with barely-hidden disdain: “I wasn’t a perfect person when I made these mistakes. I’m not a perfect person now. I’m happy to be judged by perfect people.”
You don’t need to be a perfect person to know that certain things are wrong. Just like we don’t need to be a nation that forgives every abuser just because he wants us to.
I’m tired of people asking if these men need to suffer forever, or if they really should never hold a job again. The truth is that I don’t care—and if there were any real justice, no one else would either. We’d be too busy helping those who actually need our focus and care: the victims.
It’s time to stop asking what the way forward is for powerful men who hurt women. Enough. No more second chances for abusers who have been given dozens of first ones.
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Imagine all the "genius" that would be produced by all the women who actually are working hard and are genuinely talented and are just trying to grow in their careers. I'm not waiting for abusive men to apologize. I'm waiting for them to be transformed. There's a big difference.
We give women's lives so little consideration to begin with, and basically none once she voices harm caused by a man. This assumption that we need to find a way towards forgiving men is so entrenched that therapists have badgered me to "mentalize" my abuser. It is almost like the worst thing a woman can do is somehow insert herself into the path of a man's upward trajectory to success.