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Carolita Johnson's avatar

I know it sounds awful but if my husband hadn't died, I'd probably have divorced him by now. I actually planned on leaving him within five years just before he got sick. Then I thought, fine, I'll devote my life to caregiving till he's better, then I'll leave him because then my career will REALLY be in a total shambles. As it was, he was the best guy I ever loved, but no matter what I said, no matter how I tried to explain it to him, he always managed to prioritize his work over mine. To the point where I was absolutely sure that when I quit my lucrative day job and put my writing and cartooning on hold while I took care of him, I realized that it would never have occurred to him, as a man, to do the same. Him, not work? Unimaginable. As a man, his entire identity resided in his work. (We were both cartoonists at the same magazine, only he didn't need a day job, having been a staff cartoonist for 30 years, and had just begun taking his social security checks as well). We could not make things equal for us, and, sparing all the indignities of our efforts, I knew I couldn't keep it up forever and that he didn't even have the means to support me if I lost it all after the caregiving.

A woman has to survive somehow! It was such a pity that for all he gave me, he really lacked an ability to understand how unequal our relationship had become over the years.

If he'd lived and I were still with him today, I really think I'd be in deep, deep trouble. As it was, taking care of him meant declaring bankruptcy, becoming homeless after he died, as if being bereaved and traumatized weren't enough. I have been scratching back to my career for the last four years.

So, yeah, I would have totally gotten a divorce. An amicable one, hopefully. But definitely. Basta. Plus, I really hated living together: my dream had always been to live next door to each other in separate apartments/houses. We just couldn't afford it. Maybe we all aspire to conventional marriages we don't actually want or need?

Scott's avatar

I divorced way before the pandemic. And I’ll admit that it took being a single parent to appreciate all my ex wife did with the kids and home. Now, half the time I have to juggle the kids and all that comes with it, and before covid work. I quit my job in March to guide the kids through their virtual schooling while they were with me. A lot of my friends wonder why I didn’t just drop them off at their moms house before work and keep working. The reason, it’s not her job. It’s my job. Being a single dad has realigned my work life balance in a way that it wasn’t before. And for all the structural deficiencies we have that tell men that the kids aren’t their responsibility at home, we have just as many telling men that their job is to make as much money as possible to provide for the family. I thought I was doing my part before my divorce. It took me getting divorced to understand the stress she was under. I only wish my ex wife would have experienced the stress of providing for a family on her own for a while to appreciate my perspective.

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