I'm reading "Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide" by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. It is a REAL challenge to not hate men right now. And, I just watched the documentary Britney vs. Spears. Men need to stop using women's bodies to gain or maintain power. And, men need to stop using women's bodies for entertainment.
I had that same experience with my husband; he couldn't wait and just pushed his way in. That ws 50 years ago and I still remember the pain and just screaming. I did manage to stop him, although I guess it was actually the loud scream that killed his erection. Fortunately we divorced many years ago so I can't ask him, but I would guess that he quickly forgot the whole thing. No big deal.
With every new revelation of the constant threat of violence and humiliation that women face in every aspect of life - the latest being the news about Paul Riley, the now-fired head coach of the NC Courage (the NWSL team) and his abuse and sexual coercion of players - men act as if it's just a one-off, or that it's somehow the women's fault because they dared to pursue a dream or even just walk down the street. It takes so much courage for women to tell their stories of abuse and then it's takes too long for anything to be done to punish the men; most of the time there isn't even any punishment or it's not nearly enough to deter further crimes by the same man or others. Shame and stories of false accusations and "not all men" are weapons of oppression against women. Unequal pay keeps women in positions of desperation and vulnerable to abuse. How can women not be angry all the time?
Oh my god. My brother asked me the other day why I was "so bitter" as if it were simply me being unattractive and negative instead of being indignant about the state of the world, and this is what we are up against. I'm so sick of my anger being perceived by men as a part of my inventory of features instead of a symptom of what is wrong, or instead of something to pay attention to and maybe wonder about?
I mean, are men just the vestiges and upholders of the feudalistic lords who turned on the peasants at the dawn of capitalism, crushing them into future exploitable employees and turning them into little "kings of their castles"?
Seriously, I have heard too many men say that crap about how women could save their marriages if they just gave more blow-jobs. WTF. Is that our job? Is that what men sign up for when they get married? Sex on tap? Seriously when you make men the king of their castles because they bring home the larger part of the income (or all of it), you turn them into... a man who expects a blow job if you're too tired for sex. I'm telling you what I hear from real people. People you wouldn't think are horrible people on the surface. They just actually believe this shit.
I have been reading so much that has enlightened me, but which has also made me feel very angry about male behavior. The latest thing I'm reading is My Grandmother's Hands, and it's made me feel at least slightly less spitting mad, because it makes me realize that men are internalizing and reenacting a brutality that has been passed down generation after generation, almost the way domestic violence is passed down.
So, they're damaged, and continuing the damage. But FFS if we're beginning to understand it, it's time for them to do something about it. And I don't say that some or many unfortunate women aren't helping them perpetuate it because of their own damage, but it's time for men to wake up. They need to wake up and catch up already. We need to raise our sons better, and learn as much as we can in order to do so.
Thank you for your important work Jessica. I often feel that evolution forgot an important sensitivity gene in men. And their inexcusable behavior has been overlooked or laughed off for too long.
Grrrrrr! I’m traveling and got in the elevator at the rental car part of the airport with a bunch of men and my husband. We’re white; they’re Black. One of the guys in the back of the elevator says “All my ni**az got big dicks,” and they all laugh. And all I can think as I exit the car is fucking men. Just. Fucking. Men.
It’s not the race thing. It’s not even that I may have been in the middle of a conversation that had nothing to do with me being female. It’s just yet another reminder about how men take up space and how images get shoved into our heads without our permission.
When I read about “Karens,” a demographic that I sadly belong to, I don’t become offended. Why? Because I endeavor not to act a fool in public. I don’t own the woman’s behavior and internalize it as my own. I don’t need anymore to say to me, “not all middle-aged white women”. This begs the question, if you’re not a man who has raped (and that’s what this is folks), then why do you need the qualifier?
I understand that we’ve all done things we’re not proud of; we’ve all objectified people, lost our shit when we shouldn’t have, etc. But when I demand that someone soothe my anxiety by saying, “not all…”, then I’ve now turned the focus on me and not the problem.
Amen sister. Beautifully expressed. “‘Not all men’ is just another way of pretending that misogyny is an individual problem rather than a systemic one.”
Every single one of us could make one (or many) of those videos, and men sure do hate to hear that. I'm 51, and have been single for many years now. I've now realized I will be single for the rest of my life, because I can't *fathom* sharing it with a man (even one of the "good" ones). No thank you.
BRAVA! I'm still learning how to use this site. When I'm certain of being "legal" I'm going to share your statement with every woman I know. I'm thinking when I'm asked if I hate men I'll reply, "Why wouldn't all women hate men?"
I'm reading "Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide" by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. It is a REAL challenge to not hate men right now. And, I just watched the documentary Britney vs. Spears. Men need to stop using women's bodies to gain or maintain power. And, men need to stop using women's bodies for entertainment.
And why again does society expect a woman to change her name when she marries? Boggles the mind!
I had that same experience with my husband; he couldn't wait and just pushed his way in. That ws 50 years ago and I still remember the pain and just screaming. I did manage to stop him, although I guess it was actually the loud scream that killed his erection. Fortunately we divorced many years ago so I can't ask him, but I would guess that he quickly forgot the whole thing. No big deal.
For me, it's a permanent part of my memory bank.
Men are natural born predators. They can’t be trained or reprogrammed. Signed, a man.
With every new revelation of the constant threat of violence and humiliation that women face in every aspect of life - the latest being the news about Paul Riley, the now-fired head coach of the NC Courage (the NWSL team) and his abuse and sexual coercion of players - men act as if it's just a one-off, or that it's somehow the women's fault because they dared to pursue a dream or even just walk down the street. It takes so much courage for women to tell their stories of abuse and then it's takes too long for anything to be done to punish the men; most of the time there isn't even any punishment or it's not nearly enough to deter further crimes by the same man or others. Shame and stories of false accusations and "not all men" are weapons of oppression against women. Unequal pay keeps women in positions of desperation and vulnerable to abuse. How can women not be angry all the time?
Oh my god. My brother asked me the other day why I was "so bitter" as if it were simply me being unattractive and negative instead of being indignant about the state of the world, and this is what we are up against. I'm so sick of my anger being perceived by men as a part of my inventory of features instead of a symptom of what is wrong, or instead of something to pay attention to and maybe wonder about?
I mean, are men just the vestiges and upholders of the feudalistic lords who turned on the peasants at the dawn of capitalism, crushing them into future exploitable employees and turning them into little "kings of their castles"?
Seriously, I have heard too many men say that crap about how women could save their marriages if they just gave more blow-jobs. WTF. Is that our job? Is that what men sign up for when they get married? Sex on tap? Seriously when you make men the king of their castles because they bring home the larger part of the income (or all of it), you turn them into... a man who expects a blow job if you're too tired for sex. I'm telling you what I hear from real people. People you wouldn't think are horrible people on the surface. They just actually believe this shit.
I have been reading so much that has enlightened me, but which has also made me feel very angry about male behavior. The latest thing I'm reading is My Grandmother's Hands, and it's made me feel at least slightly less spitting mad, because it makes me realize that men are internalizing and reenacting a brutality that has been passed down generation after generation, almost the way domestic violence is passed down.
So, they're damaged, and continuing the damage. But FFS if we're beginning to understand it, it's time for them to do something about it. And I don't say that some or many unfortunate women aren't helping them perpetuate it because of their own damage, but it's time for men to wake up. They need to wake up and catch up already. We need to raise our sons better, and learn as much as we can in order to do so.
Thank you for your important work Jessica. I often feel that evolution forgot an important sensitivity gene in men. And their inexcusable behavior has been overlooked or laughed off for too long.
Personally, I'd like to meet that one guy y'all are referring to.
So true. Have you read I Hate Men by French author Pauline Harmange? If you haven’t, I think your would love it.
Grrrrrr! I’m traveling and got in the elevator at the rental car part of the airport with a bunch of men and my husband. We’re white; they’re Black. One of the guys in the back of the elevator says “All my ni**az got big dicks,” and they all laugh. And all I can think as I exit the car is fucking men. Just. Fucking. Men.
It’s not the race thing. It’s not even that I may have been in the middle of a conversation that had nothing to do with me being female. It’s just yet another reminder about how men take up space and how images get shoved into our heads without our permission.
This post is just another reminder of it.
When I read about “Karens,” a demographic that I sadly belong to, I don’t become offended. Why? Because I endeavor not to act a fool in public. I don’t own the woman’s behavior and internalize it as my own. I don’t need anymore to say to me, “not all middle-aged white women”. This begs the question, if you’re not a man who has raped (and that’s what this is folks), then why do you need the qualifier?
I understand that we’ve all done things we’re not proud of; we’ve all objectified people, lost our shit when we shouldn’t have, etc. But when I demand that someone soothe my anxiety by saying, “not all…”, then I’ve now turned the focus on me and not the problem.
That tik tok video is so gut wrenching to watch.
Amen sister. Beautifully expressed. “‘Not all men’ is just another way of pretending that misogyny is an individual problem rather than a systemic one.”
This is what I needed today <3
Every single one of us could make one (or many) of those videos, and men sure do hate to hear that. I'm 51, and have been single for many years now. I've now realized I will be single for the rest of my life, because I can't *fathom* sharing it with a man (even one of the "good" ones). No thank you.
BRAVA! I'm still learning how to use this site. When I'm certain of being "legal" I'm going to share your statement with every woman I know. I'm thinking when I'm asked if I hate men I'll reply, "Why wouldn't all women hate men?"