"I promise that you will feel hotter, more secure, and happier than you do now." This is true, but at 51, I can tell you that one of the fucks that has dropped away has been the need to feel "hot" at all. Seeing through the absolute bullshit of web of patriarchy and societal conditioning regarding our looks, our bodies, our clothes, that we've all been put through is life changing. What an absolute revelation it was to realize that older women haven't "given up," they've opted out.
YESSSSSSS I am 48 and wow I sure do not give a fuck what people think anymore! It’s very freeing. It’s made me nearly fearless at work. I’m more assertive about needs and boundaries. I wear what I like when I like and everyone else can just deal. I can’t wait to be 50, TBH.
You’ll definitely feel “hotter” at menopause! 😂 I’ll be so glad when I cool off. But yes, it’s amazing to be older, and except for the hot flashes I’m really enjoying it.
Happy birthday! At 54, I’m still working on not giving a fuck, but I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable. Going gray four years ago was the best decision! I think we learn a little more about ourselves each time we say, what would happen if…? If I stopped coloring my hair, if I stopped worrying about xyz? It’s incredibly revealing and strengthening.
Oh my God, y'all. Just WAIT till you get past menopause. The fucks just fall away until you have not one fuck more. It is FANTASTIC. 15/10 would lose all estrogen again.
I know, right? I feel like I spent the vast majority of my life under the influence of some kind of goddamn Handmaid’s Tale drug, and it finally wore off!
Ah, sweet freedom! Now I just have to shed the shackles of sone kind of institutional Stockholm syndrome when it comes to men I date (not that I’m interested in dating at the moment, so serene and busy am I.)
Happy Birthday! and I love all of this. I was miserable for a large portion of my 20s and my 30s have been infinitely better. Still working on fully not giving a fuck but getting there.
also, as a slightly random aside, in my city there’s this store that sells kitchen decor/fixtures/etc and under their sign, they post an inspiring quote/affirmation each week (no idea why but I appreciate it) and I just saw today’s which said, “Don’t worry about getting older, worry about thinking older” and I really liked that as someone who is very conscious of not becoming that “old man yells at cloud” person.
BRAVO!!! I couldn't agree more. I"m 51 (and a half, as my niece reminds me) and I couldn't be happier. Yes, this new arthritis thing is not fun and the perio menopausal thing is for the birds but my head space is the best it has ever been. And yep, because I have stopped giving a fuck about so many things and I've learned to let go of a lot. I have shared with my sisters (blood and chosen) that the calendar is nothing to fear. The view here is fantastic!! Thank you for writing this!!
Also, Jessica - I am happy to gift a subscription from time to time, and would appreciate you adding an option that allows YOU to choose the recipient. Right now, if I don't have a recipient in mind, I can't gift a subscription.
Don't wait until your 70s to abandon all fuck-giving. You're probably still giving a few, being in your mid-40s. Just start noticing any time you don't feel "like your cork is floating." Make sure your subconscious is not holding your cork down by trying to give a fuck.
Happy birthday! Thanks for your years of educating and inspiring us!
As an adult, according to Francesca Wade in her book Square Haunting, Dorothy Sayers was asked whether she would like to be young again. "No," she replied: "for no bribe would we again have endured the fumbling experience, the emotional miseries, the self-conscious humiliations of youth." She said her advice to young people is that "youth is an unsatisfactory period, full of errors, uncertainties, and distress. You will grow out of it. What's more, you were meant to grow out of it, into something more mature and satisfactory."
Great article. Please include that you forget all those that trespassed on you.
Yes!!
"I promise that you will feel hotter, more secure, and happier than you do now." This is true, but at 51, I can tell you that one of the fucks that has dropped away has been the need to feel "hot" at all. Seeing through the absolute bullshit of web of patriarchy and societal conditioning regarding our looks, our bodies, our clothes, that we've all been put through is life changing. What an absolute revelation it was to realize that older women haven't "given up," they've opted out.
YESSSSSSS I am 48 and wow I sure do not give a fuck what people think anymore! It’s very freeing. It’s made me nearly fearless at work. I’m more assertive about needs and boundaries. I wear what I like when I like and everyone else can just deal. I can’t wait to be 50, TBH.
You'll get there, young'un. And it's wonderful you'll enjoy it!
You’ll definitely feel “hotter” at menopause! 😂 I’ll be so glad when I cool off. But yes, it’s amazing to be older, and except for the hot flashes I’m really enjoying it.
Happy birthday! At 54, I’m still working on not giving a fuck, but I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable. Going gray four years ago was the best decision! I think we learn a little more about ourselves each time we say, what would happen if…? If I stopped coloring my hair, if I stopped worrying about xyz? It’s incredibly revealing and strengthening.
Oh my God, y'all. Just WAIT till you get past menopause. The fucks just fall away until you have not one fuck more. It is FANTASTIC. 15/10 would lose all estrogen again.
It sure is great not seeing men through estrogen goggles!
I know, right? I feel like I spent the vast majority of my life under the influence of some kind of goddamn Handmaid’s Tale drug, and it finally wore off!
Ah, sweet freedom! Now I just have to shed the shackles of sone kind of institutional Stockholm syndrome when it comes to men I date (not that I’m interested in dating at the moment, so serene and busy am I.)
Happy Birthday! and I love all of this. I was miserable for a large portion of my 20s and my 30s have been infinitely better. Still working on fully not giving a fuck but getting there.
also, as a slightly random aside, in my city there’s this store that sells kitchen decor/fixtures/etc and under their sign, they post an inspiring quote/affirmation each week (no idea why but I appreciate it) and I just saw today’s which said, “Don’t worry about getting older, worry about thinking older” and I really liked that as someone who is very conscious of not becoming that “old man yells at cloud” person.
And happy belated!!
BRAVO!!! I couldn't agree more. I"m 51 (and a half, as my niece reminds me) and I couldn't be happier. Yes, this new arthritis thing is not fun and the perio menopausal thing is for the birds but my head space is the best it has ever been. And yep, because I have stopped giving a fuck about so many things and I've learned to let go of a lot. I have shared with my sisters (blood and chosen) that the calendar is nothing to fear. The view here is fantastic!! Thank you for writing this!!
Also, Jessica - I am happy to gift a subscription from time to time, and would appreciate you adding an option that allows YOU to choose the recipient. Right now, if I don't have a recipient in mind, I can't gift a subscription.
Hm. Something went wrong. I just wanted to say that I don't doubt that this is more acutely true for women but that I do recognise it for myself too.
Don't wait until your 70s to abandon all fuck-giving. You're probably still giving a few, being in your mid-40s. Just start noticing any time you don't feel "like your cork is floating." Make sure your subconscious is not holding your cork down by trying to give a fuck.
Happy birthday! Thanks for your years of educating and inspiring us!
As an adult, according to Francesca Wade in her book Square Haunting, Dorothy Sayers was asked whether she would like to be young again. "No," she replied: "for no bribe would we again have endured the fumbling experience, the emotional miseries, the self-conscious humiliations of youth." She said her advice to young people is that "youth is an unsatisfactory period, full of errors, uncertainties, and distress. You will grow out of it. What's more, you were meant to grow out of it, into something more mature and satisfactory."
Yup! And happy birthday!